This text was written some time ago, at a time when I was not sure what the profit and loss balance of being in a relationship is. I actually wrote it for a drawer, but on the wave of talks with the closest ones, I decided to throw a hook into the water and see how many single fish swimming in the pond are out there… Though they don’t fulfil any wishes, sometimes they are goldfish and golden people.
Is it worth it to be with someone at any cost, even though you feel that your time is up, but you’re afraid of being alone and you’re unhappy? You’re afraid to make a decision, you lack the stimulus, energy and motivation to say goodbye? You want to avoid ostracism… even the social one? At this point, I am reminded of the film Bridget Jones’s Diary and dinner with friends, where she is the only one who came alone. The other guests were paired spouses in their thirties. When she was asked about the reason of living alone, she said it was probably because the singles have… scales under their clothes and this text closed everybody’s mouth. (Can you feel the fish analogy?)
It is widely known that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Living under one roof with the individual of the opposite sex, which is also your life partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife and/or lover, and his/her name appears next to yours on a list of tenants in a staircase, is always a challenge.
Just when you think everything is going fine, because it’s finally THE ONLY ONE, suddenly comes a point when you think that building relationships overwhelms you, limits you and, all in all, you feel better off a single. You don’t have the strength to wash his socks/her bras, you’re pissed off by his/her nail biting, you start to notice that he/she has cellulite, yellow teeth, snores, and hunches like Quasimodo, or has as poor eyesight as Anna Mucha (minus seven) and forgets lenses in the cinema, which means that you are forced to voice read subtitles in the film, and as a result other viewers throw chewed popcorn at you.
After a possible parting with this repulsive, coughing, loathsome creature you have several options.
Be alone, his/her stuff disappear from your house and:
a) you are the luckiest single in the world; you want to make this state last forever, and in general, you don’t want uninvited tenants in your living space any more
b) you state that single life sucks, because you tolerated and sometimes liked his/her blond bangs, lispy “s” and a little crooked legs. And the fact that the he/she cooked you dinners every weekend.
c) you get it together and wait for a new love.
American scientists have proved that man is a social animal living in pairs, and long-distance singles are recluses, desperate people and overall genetic mistakes. In the Christian tradition, He, She and a Child is a fundamental unit of society; Holy Family, no patchworks and rainbow correlations. *
So I began to wonder. Is it better to be alone, conscious resignation of all this, what we can achieve together, but still full autonomy and independence; living for yourself? Or an attempt to build a mutual happiness and to share life with another person, at the expense of many individual decisions? Is it worth it to sacrifice yourself for someone at any cost?
There is nothing for free. It sounds like a truism, but life is the art of compromise. Facing the world alone is also a difficult decision. I know people who decide to live alone in fear of being injured and disappointed again. Nobody likes failures, severe ones always relate to the private sphere. Okay, if you don’t get a raise at work or if your holiday doesn’t go well , and the IRS and neighbours will give you a hard time knocking on the door/wall at seven in the morning. It is worse, if your partner betrays you. Then, not only life collapses, the whole system collapses.
Which option do you prefer?
Loneliness or working on the relationship?
*I’m throwing irony in an ice hole
translation: Agnieszka Wawiórko